Tuesday, January 07, 2003

dsfsdffffffffffffffffffffffffff

Saturday, December 28, 2002

OK
i guess secretly
my mother does love me!
i cleaned a little
and she let me go!
so i spent the day
with my ballard peeples
and it was GREAT
beyond belief!!
except when julian tried to
get back together
when we were really never
"going out"
that was fun stuff...
err..
i dont know
he's a nice guy
he has problems
like everyone..
but hes good
nice family
very nice looking
but there's no
chemistry between us
there probably wasnt any this summer either
but the summer makes you stupid

or just me

so i got to see ryan's band perform
and god, they're getting good
they are performing at some little theater
in about a month
and they have 4 or 5 scouts from record companies
coming to see them
i am so fucking proud and happy
ive known ryan for more than two years,
danny introduced us and he's just fucking great
i miss danny so damn much
it is worse when im with my ballard friends
who all knew him
and loved him so god damn much
we were going to have a get-together
for the one year anniversary of his death
but we decided not to
i mean...a fucking party?
to celebrate someone who died?
especially danny...
god he was my best friend
i had no idea he was dead
until the day after when i called
and his mother answered sobbing
i dont know how to explain that day
i tried to call michael and tell him
because they were friends from IM
and i told michael everything when we
were going out...
but i couldnt
so when meghan called i told her
but it was so damn hard
and i had to hang up
so she was beautiful and called michael for me
and told him
and he was waiting for me the next morning
and i just cried like a stupid baby
and isabella made fun of me to courtney and mara
and asked why i was trying to get attention
for "some guy dying"
that is why i hated eckstein
and everything about it
and why i hated the people
and still hate them, i guess
and why i hated myself for going there
when i should have just switched schools.
and at the same time...
well i dont know

this is sad
and i hate talking abotu it
and i dont know why i am
because i was happy
and i am happy
i had a great day
and i love julian and carlo
and cecil and danny jr.
and sarah and lily and everyone
so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you, guys!!
for everything.

i have a massive fucking headache
and i just feel like total POOP
completely poop and blah
isn't that lovely?
yes i thought so...

i have been playing with my camamamamamera
a lottttt
but im still pretty sre that i have no fucking clue
what im doing
that should be lots of fun! YAY

i am feeling really bad
because the happy christmas-ness
is gone
and a lot of peeples are mad at me right now
julian and my 'bh' homies
from ballard
are pissed that im not coming to
ryan's concert tonight..
even though i HAVE been to EIGHT of them!
they have no love
and i really want to go
but i feel sick
and nauseated
and just all around grose
some days u just wake up feeling
POOPY
and mad and ugly
for no reason
and my mom is pissed at me
for not cleaning the house
and because the lady is taking our cat
tomorrow
and she wants to keep the cat
but i refuse
and now im the bad child.
sigh.

at least yesterday was nice,
yasmene and i went downtown
and even though SHE got the LAST
tupac cd...:::sniffle, tear tear:::::
we had a good time
and ate our nachos, like ALWAYS
"un beggie nacho",,,hehe,
lots of good times downtown!
she said shes not doing skiattle
this year either,
and that made me feel good-
at least not EVERYONE is going
without the jew.
for some reason, EVERY fucking time
i think about skiattle
i want to cry
and i get that headache
inbetween my eyes
when yer trying not to cry
but your tears are being little
dickwads and trying to come out
anyways.
tears are not fun people.
and i dont know why i always
want to cry..
but i watched my skiattle movie
last night,
to try and figure it out.
and it was just...blah.
we were all really extremely happy
me and claire were having an adventure
and filming everyone
and i have me and michael that someone filmed
and reed and kendra being all snuggly-wuggly
and josh and claire
and hana standing next to all the tallest people we could find
and people sending their "personal messages"
to me and claire..
like this tiny little boy wearing 11 oe 12 layers of clothes
that claire and i found
and we convinced him to say
"jewlz and claire are sooooooo cool"
on the camera
it was superbly fabulous.
and then theres jeremy
which makes me sad..
another good friend
that i was lucky enough to meet
and stupid enough to lose
and god, what is wrong with me/
i get all confused with people
i dont want to be close to anyone
but then i want to be close to them
as soon as i lose them
i have some sort of disorder
it takes me forever to trust people
and then as soon as they do one little
thing
that should be completely forgivable
its like BAM, im out of there
i dont know why im like this
but its sad
maybe i should just be an old hobo
that lives under a rock
like antwone fisher.
dammit.

Wednesday, December 25, 2002

MERRY MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
ahhhh!!
even though it doesn't really feel like christmas at all
i still hope it's a warm and fuzzy
and spectacular day for you!!
i had TRES fun opening my stocking
and presents
this morning!!!
oh my god i am so spoiled
by my mother,
definitely not by my hateful family
who i am convinced
*TRULY convinced*
has an i-hate-u-jew, club
damn nazis

there is one family member
who takes the cake though
that is my grannie juliet
and damn, do i love her today
i opened my camera
and even though i KNEW what it was,
duh,
it still felt great
to finally hold in my hands!
the only other camera i
ever had
was an old fashioned NIKON
so i am clueless on parts of this
camera
but i am hoping that Rob doesnt hate me
enough
to not help me
and who knows
maybe we'll even become good friends again
someday

i feel sadistically optimistic today
and even though some things are going wrong
other things are finally REALLY looking up
which makes me GIGGLY and happy
beyond belief
so i guess God, or whoever's up there
or out there
or whatever
cant give everyone everything-
i've had my days of perfection
and i guess everyone has to
have their "turn"
before it falls back on you again

i had such a lovely conversation with zak
and his stupid tag-a-long buddies
on monday!
OH, YAY!
he was desperately trying to impress
his followers
so i played along,
but i never said anything
oh wait, correction,
I DID say "yer boring"
twice
but besides that,
he was talking to my blank IM screen
for about an hour and 25 minutes
telling me what a worthless human being
i am
and bringing up all the things
that used to hurt so much
in 7th grade, and 8th grade too
i guess
but it just didnt matter anymore
they didnt hurt
i didnt feel ANYTHING
when he said them to me
except, i wondered
why his life was soooo boring
that he had to waste so much time
trying to hurt some ex-girlfriend
from TWO years ago
who wasnt even responding to his IM's
and that sort of depressed me
his life must be even more boring than mine
because i didnt bother responding
or trying to hurt him

well i am a little sad im not doing skiattle
but its not too bad
i mean, the truth is
the biggest reason people do it in middle school
is to hook up, or be with their bf/gf
and now that im in highscool
i just figured asking for the camera
was better than skiattle
at least this year...

im going to go read now
because i am a 'delicious dork'
as cecil calls it!!

Monday, December 23, 2002

woohoo
it is the day before
the day before
christmas!!
my camera came in the mail
today!
i am so excited
i wanted to open it
even though i already know what it is
but i just stuck it under the tree
and tried to ignore it!
i REALLY SINCERELY
hope they put me in fifth period
photography!
otherwise ill get stuck in drawing and painting
or aerobics
pe-yew

yesterday was fun
i just finished christmas shopping
and saw a movie with my mom
and then had a tupac meeting
with my fan club people!
hahahaha
we dont really talk about tupac much
but i still love our "meetings"

today i woke up late
and ate almost an entire pizza
and now i feel fucking stuffed
but do i work out?
noooooo
of course not
because i have no drive
and no energy
which is why i am pretty posotive
that i'll be fat when i grow up
so i just sat around and watched
jerry springer
and then "election"
it was an okay movie
reese witherspoon is a silly goose

well ben told me to make up with kara
but i told him i didnt want to
because
lots of reasons
but mostly because things are going fine
and i dont really know if we should be friends
and it sure doesnt seem like she gives a shit at all
not that i can be mad because
i have to admit
things have been funner without her being mean
so oh well
i guess we'll see what happens

jasmine and i are getting together on saturday
woohoo
we havent done anything in a TRES long time
but for now im going to watch charlies angels
because i LOVE cameron diaz! yay
in a non-sexual way, of course

merry almost-christmas!

Saturday, December 21, 2002

god i just have to add something really quick

i am such a bitch!
i mean
i sounded like one in my last entry
when i was talking about my cousin
i sounded like some snobby bitch
who didnt care at all
but i DO
so much
i CARE MASSIVELY
so much that its hard,
even for words
which have always been the only things
that i understand
well today was sad and good
and glad and happy
and a lot of things all at once!!

it started out with a play
that my family and i went to
in the early afternoon
if you've ever read the book
"a prayor for owen meany"
or seen the movie..
it's about this little tiny boy
who is named owen meany
(but in the movie his name is simon)
who thinks hes jesus
and accidentally kills his best friend's mom
with a baseball
and etc. etc. etc.
anyways, this play was about him
and his peeples doing a christmas pageant
and it was very wonderful and hilarious
and they kept talking about boners
which was perty interesting.

after that my family came and chilled here
for an hour or two
before exchanging gifts and then going out to dinner
i didnt really know
how i was supposed to act around my cousin.
i mean god, after someone tries
really hard to hurt themself
and goes crazy and breaks down
what are you suppoesd to say to them?
especially when you've grown up with them
and they have always been yer cool friend
not a vulnerable guy that you have to
tip-toe around?
he was not himself at all,
i know he tried hard to be happy
and i love him for it
but he was completely out of it,
hes on a million meds that make him
sleepy and tired and exhausted
at all times
and make it so he cant each much
dairy or sugar
they're going to turn him into a tiny
sad nothing
those fucking doctors
i hate them
and my mother works for them
ironic. i guess.

well i havent really talked to kara since
wednesday
where we said like one thing to each other
after her
"i need new people" speech
and like i said
she wasnt at school
so whatever

dinner was great
i stuffed myself FULL
i can hardly move around
so im just chillin in the computer room
the happenin' place to be
i cant WAIT until i get my new
computer,
it should be coming anyday now and
im so excited that i get one
that isnt a piece of shit
with downsyndrome

i think i always
always
say the wrong thing

but maybe not
because sometimes
he laughs at what i say

i have to go talk to emmy
and carlo now!
carlo and cecil are the most
beautiful couple
and i hate their guts for it
but you have to love a romantic
mexican guy! hehe
and emmy is super
we just hope she gets
into hale next year!

Friday, December 20, 2002

ok once again im in health class
because we have the nice sub again
who doesnt mind if sean, rafael, max, and i
play on the computers

today is a really short day
we get out at 12:40
and once again kara isnt here
i feel weird
but not because im sad
its the opposite
i realized that she was really rude for the last month or so
and it was probably just her way
of blowing me off
i dont hate her
and im not mad at her
but i think shes right
we just need a break
maybe we'll be friends again
that would be great
cuz we have really great times together
when we're not mad or fighting
but even if we dont
i wont hold it against her

and because of all that i feel really good
like im changing a lot
and getting way more mature
i dont want to sound like im happy
about losing my best friend
because im not
but if this happened last year
i would have freaked out
and been immature
and probably rude
about it.
and now im just learning to accept
the things that come
cuz i finally understand
that you can hardly do anything
when it comes to certain situations
change is inevitable
like in peter pan, the book,
when the old lady says
"the only thing that never changes
is that things always change"

everyone is presenting their sex posters
(i went first,
thats how i got on the computer)
and its actually pretty interesting
after studying sex-ed and pregnancy
for 5 weeks
i have a compeltely different opinion of sex
and of having kids
we had to watch 6 births on film
and of course it looked painful
and everyone was screaming IM ADOPTING!
but even after all that
when you see how happy the people are
for making their own..
i dont know
making their own special thing to love
it's so happy and pretty
i think i could go through the pain
to have my own child

kelly is in here AGAIN
to visit her freshman friends
molly jordan garth and mark
i can not even explain
how goddamn annoying she is
she is rude beyond belief
she is constantly coming to my classes
and when i told her to shut up because
she said something relaly rude
to some unknowing person in our mentorship
she was like BITCH! h..ha...just kidding
and i wanted to smack her
but i didnt
because im trying to keep the violence to a minimum, you know

and i hate how she thinks shes the god of the freshman class
because 5 people in our grade are friends with her.
she walks in with her fat, nasty self
expecting me to bow down
to her fat chin-mole. i dont think so.
she demanded to hold up ari's poster
and then screamed at everyone to shut up
all stuck-up like she is
and lisping the whole time.

well tomorrow is family day
im going to a play with
my mom, uncle, aunt, and two cousins
and i love my cousins
but they are the only people in my family
besides my mom
that are not cruel, stuck up people
at least 50% of the time
im actually embarassed of my family
i hate going to dinner with them
because its inevitable that my uncle
by marriage, thank god
will make at least one waitress cry
how sad is that?
at least i have a good mom

5 days until christmas
and it still doesnt feel like it at all
certain smells and lights and snowy-cold weather
used to make me feel like christmas was soon
but now, nothing has worked
and everyone in my classes agrees
that it's sad how as you get older
everything loses meaning
like in the breakfast club when
the "nerdy" girl says
"it's inevitable, as you get older, your heart dies"
i always thought that was such a sad thought
but its sort of true
you can still love things, and people
but holidays and other "little things"
lose their meaning
and thsoe things used to make me so happy
even last year!
christmas was so much fun
i had basketball games over break
and michael and i were going out
and spending christmas together
and just the happiness of xmas
was still there
so i wonder what christmas will feel like next year

Thursday, December 19, 2002

[12/19/2002 3:47:40 PM | Juliet rodriguez]
later, december 19

ok this is officially the third time
that ive made my blogger journal
in the last two days
so i had to copy and paste some entries
so if the dates or something are wrong
dont worry about it

today was fun!
i think andy judy and i did really good on our skit
people laughed if thats what counts for anything
and the sub seemed to think it was fine
that class is ONE TRILLION times better
without fucking mr. lockery
and his judgemental ways

i ate lunch with eric and misha
it took a lot of wandering around
to finally get food
and misha yelled at me a lot for wasting my food
like i always do
but erics used to it by now

we tried to eat outside
on the picnic benches in the courtyard
but it was freezing
so we went back inside
and after we had some fun
we found torrey dylan and rob
and then i knew the fun was over
i mean, im not retarded
i used to be best friends with them
eric and torrey and reed and michael
its sad how things change
but i guess you have to accept it
they'll always want to be with their guy friends
and its definitely awkward and stupid
for me to try and be with all of them at the same time
misha, eric, reed, duncan, torrey, rob, dylan, reed
when im the only girl
and i have no input in the conversation
and i look like a lawn gnome just chillin
and eavesdropping

math was hilarious.

britney spears has a large nose.




december 19.2002

god i love these weird schedules at hale
all our block classes are short today
and we have a sub in health
so im sure things will go fine
its SO cold in this classroom
(health class)
that i can hardly breathe
PLUS i have two bandaid-ed fingers
thanks to julian
who picked at my hangnails
grose and OW, thank you
last period max took a nap among some bags of garbage
you really can never predict whats going to happen in our block class


tommorrow is the last day of school
before winter break
and i cant believe how fast this year is going
in a couple weeks we'll be half way done with the school year
and in just a few months after that
it will be the summer again
and my freshman year in highscool will be done
and im really pissed
and jealous
of all those highschool movies
where their lives are sooooooooooo interesting
and exciting
and they do a million things
and have tons of good times
and their teachers never seem to be around
but they always graduate like third in their class
why cant things just be as freakin simple
as they are in the movies?


speaking of movies...
alice in wonderland!
you might have wondered why my whole blogger theme
is alice in wonderland
and i wish i could tell you
but i have NO IDEA!!!
i just started thinking about alice in wonderland yesterday
and how i used to think i was just like alice
and how i wanted a rabbit
to dress up with glasses and a suit
that i could follow down the rabbit hole
exciting things like that.


i have to go
work on "sex skit"
for health class
but ill probably write later..
because im cool like that
Juliet 8:40 AM





Wednesday, December 18, 2002

december 18

i cant believe i finally figured out how to work these blogs!
it has taken MUCHO time
and effort!
and some links from emmy's profile ;-)


today was a strange day
i dont know whether it was good or bad
to start with, i am sick as poo
icky, sicky, poo
and kara
who has been mean to me for the past few weeks
out of nowhere, truly,
said that we spend too much time together
and she needs new peeple
somehow i feel like its my fault
like i always do
secretly
like im an old man who failed
at a 25 year old marriage
strange, huh?


the rap battle was off the heez
as duncan said
very interesting, very worth my dollar
eric tried to get me and torrey to move to the back
with him and misha
but we stayed put
since we actually got semi-good seats
some people sucked so badly
and the crowd was pretty harsh
but there were a few people who were amazing
like tony, of course
and i couldnt believe how good these people were
they will end up with a record deal some day
and ill remember their face but probably wont be able to place it
and i was very jealous
because they have a hobby that theyre great at
that they love
yer lucky if you have this
i need a hobby
but i guess you cant go looking for something to love
it just happens


i am so sappy.


what is lukes problem?
afterschool we had no ride
so eric ran off with his poo-self
to get a ride with michael
he gets quite selfish when it cums to transportation
and then luke walked off and got in michaels car
but its not like i wanted him to come on the bus
with me and torrey anyways
he's been a completely different person the last month
since he told me he liked me
or had everyone else tell me
and stalked my phone lines
and my house
he expected me to throw myself at him
but i didnt feel anything
and when he found out
he did the immature thing
and decided to be mean to me
i didnt deserve it of course
but thats how it always is with friendships that go stale
i dont think its possible
to stay friends with someone who ends up liking you
or you end up liking
and the other person doesnt feel the same way
i used to to
but then i realized it only worked once
and that's for me and eric
we were probably too young anyways
to really care or to even consider being mean
we hadnt developed that part of the brain yet i guess
me and zak could never stay friends permanently
something always ticked me off
pissed him off
and we had the same fight over and over
like those dreams you get about running down the hallways naked
and i got sick and tired with it
and im sure he did too
and as for michael
who knows
we got to be good, better friends
this past month or so
but we havent talked all week
so who knows
defiitely not me
god, i never know.
Juliet 4:48 PM
later, december 19

ok this is officially the third time
that ive made my blogger journal
in the last two days
so i had to copy and paste some entries
so if the dates or something are wrong
dont worry about it

today was fun!
i think andy judy and i did really good on our skit
people laughed if thats what counts for anything
and the sub seemed to think it was fine
that class is ONE TRILLION times better
without fucking mr. lockery
and his judgemental ways

i ate lunch with eric and misha
it took a lot of wandering around
to finally get food
and misha yelled at me a lot for wasting my food
like i always do
but erics used to it by now

we tried to eat outside
on the picnic benches in the courtyard
but it was freezing
so we went back inside
and after we had some fun
we found torrey dylan and rob
and then i knew the fun was over
i mean, im not retarded
i used to be best friends with them
eric and torrey and reed and michael
its sad how things change
but i guess you have to accept it
they'll always want to be with their guy friends
and its definitely awkward and stupid
for me to try and be with all of them at the same time
misha, eric, reed, duncan, torrey, rob, dylan, reed
when im the only girl
and i have no input in the conversation
and i look like a lawn gnome just chillin
and eavesdropping

math was hilarious.

britney spears has a large nose.




december 19.2002

god i love these weird schedules at hale
all our block classes are short today
and we have a sub in health
so im sure things will go fine
its SO cold in this classroom
(health class)
that i can hardly breathe
PLUS i have two bandaid-ed fingers
thanks to julian
who picked at my hangnails
grose and OW, thank you
last period max took a nap among some bags of garbage
you really can never predict whats going to happen in our block class


tommorrow is the last day of school
before winter break
and i cant believe how fast this year is going
in a couple weeks we'll be half way done with the school year
and in just a few months after that
it will be the summer again
and my freshman year in highscool will be done
and im really pissed
and jealous
of all those highschool movies
where their lives are sooooooooooo interesting
and exciting
and they do a million things
and have tons of good times
and their teachers never seem to be around
but they always graduate like third in their class
why cant things just be as freakin simple
as they are in the movies?


speaking of movies...
alice in wonderland!
you might have wondered why my whole blogger theme
is alice in wonderland
and i wish i could tell you
but i have NO IDEA!!!
i just started thinking about alice in wonderland yesterday
and how i used to think i was just like alice
and how i wanted a rabbit
to dress up with glasses and a suit
that i could follow down the rabbit hole
exciting things like that.


i have to go
work on "sex skit"
for health class
but ill probably write later..
because im cool like that
Juliet 8:40 AM





Wednesday, December 18, 2002

december 18

i cant believe i finally figured out how to work these blogs!
it has taken MUCHO time
and effort!
and some links from emmy's profile ;-)


today was a strange day
i dont know whether it was good or bad
to start with, i am sick as poo
icky, sicky, poo
and kara
who has been mean to me for the past few weeks
out of nowhere, truly,
said that we spend too much time together
and she needs new peeple
somehow i feel like its my fault
like i always do
secretly
like im an old man who failed
at a 25 year old marriage
strange, huh?


the rap battle was off the heez
as duncan said
very interesting, very worth my dollar
eric tried to get me and torrey to move to the back
with him and misha
but we stayed put
since we actually got semi-good seats
some people sucked so badly
and the crowd was pretty harsh
but there were a few people who were amazing
like tony, of course
and i couldnt believe how good these people were
they will end up with a record deal some day
and ill remember their face but probably wont be able to place it
and i was very jealous
because they have a hobby that theyre great at
that they love
yer lucky if you have this
i need a hobby
but i guess you cant go looking for something to love
it just happens


i am so sappy.


what is lukes problem?
afterschool we had no ride
so eric ran off with his poo-self
to get a ride with michael
he gets quite selfish when it cums to transportation
and then luke walked off and got in michaels car
but its not like i wanted him to come on the bus
with me and torrey anyways
he's been a completely different person the last month
since he told me he liked me
or had everyone else tell me
and stalked my phone lines
and my house
he expected me to throw myself at him
but i didnt feel anything
and when he found out
he did the immature thing
and decided to be mean to me
i didnt deserve it of course
but thats how it always is with friendships that go stale
i dont think its possible
to stay friends with someone who ends up liking you
or you end up liking
and the other person doesnt feel the same way
i used to to
but then i realized it only worked once
and that's for me and eric
we were probably too young anyways
to really care or to even consider being mean
we hadnt developed that part of the brain yet i guess
me and zak could never stay friends permanently
something always ticked me off
pissed him off
and we had the same fight over and over
like those dreams you get about running down the hallways naked
and i got sick and tired with it
and im sure he did too
and as for michael
who knows
we got to be good, better friends
this past month or so
but we havent talked all week
so who knows
defiitely not me
god, i never know.
Juliet 4:48 PM